UTS: 013 community on film
merging my love for film and community-building
I have been interested in photography for longer than I can remember, and thanks to a gift from a dear friend early last year, I have gotten to explore film photography a bit (and by explore I mean play around with a camera or two and some disposables here and there)
I fell in love tout de suite and gifted myself another camera. I decided on film because I very much enjoy the dreamy look, I find myself longing for the nostalgia it evokes, and I thought it might be a good (and much-needed) lesson in patience
I didn’t know I would end up taking photos of the community around me—the ones I have sought out and the ones that have found me. I didn’t expect to enjoy capturing the spaces and faces as much as I have. I definitely didn’t plan to create an entire project around it, but here we are, over 13 rolls and 400+ pictures later.
so
I’ve been taking (and mostly hoarding) film pictures for well over a year now. On a hot summer day last July, I got it in my head that I simply had to find a medium to share these pictures outside of my personal Instagram account. Creating a new Instagram account seemed like a natural first step, and so I did that and then proceeded to not share anything for almost a year. I told myself a few stories, like: perhaps I want more than just a place to share photos. Or, what if this could be a springboard for some other ideas I've been thinking about? What if it could also become an avenue to bring people together (one of my favourite things to do)? So I decided to sit with the idea for a bit, and a bit turned into a year. Over the past year, I have been haunted by my inaction, ignoring sign after sign to stop overthinking and just do the thing because who cares if it's not perfect and what would “perfect” look like here anyway?
As a perfectionist myself, I feel more than equipped to answer this one.
In a world where visibility is often conflated with success, the perfection I've been seeking here is for everything to work out the way I’ve envisioned it in my head. I want success (or visibility masquerading as success because let’s be honest, it can often feel as good as the real thing) to come now, and with minimal effort on my part because I’m “too busy” to pour into this thing the way I want to but want the results of having done so anyway. All this is wishful thinking at best, and I know it too.
Of course I want support for this project from my friends and community (it’s community on film for a reason hehe) but I also found myself wanting (hoping for? no, wanting) the support, and therefore the validation of strangers for a thing I hadn’t even yet begun. I knew unquestionably that this desire for validation would be a recipe for disaster, and so perhaps I kept this close to my chest a bit longer because I needed to answer the question of why I wanted to share these photos and I needed to do it for myself.
It feels ridiculous to me now that I was (am?) afraid of failing at this when I consider how low the stakes are. How does one fail at sharing pictures on Instagram? (hate to see it). Sidebar: I remember joining Instagram in 2015, and even then, I felt like I was late to the game, like I had missed out on something somehow. I don’t know from experience what the earlier days were like, but I’ve heard people say that there were no aesthetic grids or curated feeds, no algorithms to hack and no #ad revenue to capture, just blissful vibes. This might be an oversimplification but it’s probably true to some extent, and I guess I wish I had been around to witness some of it…
Anyway, so here I have been, perseverating on this idea for over a year
It's not unthinkable for this Instagram page to help bring life to some of my other ideas (for which social media is an invaluable resource), but it's not going to happen if I don't start. Bringing people together in community is something I want to do more and more of as I get older. And yes, it could happen in conjunction with this project, but I’ll never find out if I don’t start? Again, I know this, but knowing and doing don’t always converge the way they should and as quickly as I hope, but I’m learning to be a little less impatient and a little more gracious with myself.
When I first moved to NYC over 3 years ago, I was no stranger to starting over, something I have done more than a few times, even as a twenty-something. I’m certain and can and will do it many more times again.
I know that the "what ifs" were just a way for me to procrastinate on taking one more step towards something I care about. I guess this entry is my reminder (and maybe yours but really mostly mine) to focus on progress over perfection and keep my eye on the process (of being, living, and doing) over product (the end goal or finished work which I know will come regardless if I just take things one day at a time). I’m coming to terms with the knowing that I may always need this reminder from myself and others to stop overthinking and just do the damn thing
Welcome to Community on Film—a space for me to share film photos of community in any and all forms (fair warning that some of these photos are very bad, but also some are not). I also hope to build community online [and eventually IRL through events, but I won’t let the obscurity of this path keep me from taking one step]. I'm not entirely sure where this project will go, [shit, I might delete this thing in a month] but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Thank you for joining me for one more thing under the sun!
Let me know in the comments one thing you’ve done to get out of overthinking
until next time,
idinma
